Monday, June 21, 2010

Oh, Those Wacky Professor Types

I recently received the following "candidate statement" for an officerial election for one of my professional organizations. Personal details have been redacted to protect the guilty, the innocent, and the just plain crazy:

"Comrades. At 8:45 am on June 21, 2010, I will be dragged into criminal municipal court by the [University] Administration's gestapo goons on the charge of harassing (by a reply email) one of the deans of the ag school.

"I will be jailed and exposed to inmate stooges infected with AIDS who are instructed to assault and bugger me to infect me with HIV.

"I have had two heart attacks and will probably not survive this arrest and jail time.

"But, I will die knowing I defended your rights...I will die knowing I defended your rights to organize, to protest injustice and to protect academic freedom. Yet, not one official of [the Local Chapter of the Professional Organization] has offered to help or witness this show trial. The [Chapter] has completely capitulated to the [University] administration. They are the administration's willing partner in the suppression of academic rights and freedom of speech... One union official was even given a free trip to England while in a real estate partnership with a [University] vice president.

"A known alcoholic [University] dean is now arresting faculty who have protested his secret sale of [University] land to private real estate developers. His peculation is being supported by politicians in [the University's state] who will also profit from one more real estate scam to be financed with faculty pension money, subprime mortgages and specious sales.

"Like Zev Jabotinsky, who warned his brethren of their liquidation, I, too, warn you of the coming liquidation. However, as Marx has said 'History repeats itself once as tragedy and once as farce'. The future liquidation of the [Professional Organization] will be that farce unless you fight now. Stand up to your Nazi-trained university administration.

"Long live the union and the memory of those who died for our right to organize!

"If elected I will serve my union from jail, in the tradition of Joe Hill.

"And don't waste time mourning, organize!

"You are all invited to my show trial in [University town's] municipal criminal court..."

While I agree with some of my correspondent's sentiments, I think he either needs to A) get a proper sense of perspective, or B) remember to take his medication. Or both. Regrettably, there are rather a lot of college professors who routinely fail to do either.

Finally: what Nazi-affiliated organizations offer professional training to college administrators? I imagine that, if they exist, their services are much in demand.

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